Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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