i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
