bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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