Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
