the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
