your thong is hanging out like whoa
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
