Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
