...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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