there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
