my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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