He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
