Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
