I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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