Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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