I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
