I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
