it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
