Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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