Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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