And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
