1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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