im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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