have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
