If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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