Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
