Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
