Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
