I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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