youre lurking in front of me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
