using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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