I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
