It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
