If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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