just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
