i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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