he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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