no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
