You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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