Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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