I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
