next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
