In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
