he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
