Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
