Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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