Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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