My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
