It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
