too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
