Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
