at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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