I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
