Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
