morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
