On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
