Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
