I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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