three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
