So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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