did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
