This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
