Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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