Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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