That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
