somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
