I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
