your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
