The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
