But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Apparently you make a good broom.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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