I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
