matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize