I wanna passion pit in your ass
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
