Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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