In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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