Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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