We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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