I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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