I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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